Money Dates: the smartest habit I’ve ever built
I love new beginnings!
I love planning, learning and gently leading myself towards something better. I love the moment when a new habit starts, not with pressure, but with curiosity.
Over the past year, I challenged myself in small but meaningful ways: learning to play chess, discovering hot yoga (and being amazed at how bendy, strong and calm my body, and my ADHD mind, can be), and returning to learning Dutch, climbing steadily through Duolingo levels. I also welcomed the new year clear-headed, for the third time in a row — no regrets, no hangovers, thanks to over two years without a drop of alcohol.
But the best gift I have ever given myself wasn’t physical or cognitive.
It was financial peace.
And it came from one simple habit: MONTHLY MONEY DATES
Nothing beats the feeling of knowing where you stand, where you’re going, and that you, not fear, not avoidance, not algorithms, are in charge.
Why Money Dates Work (Psychology & Neuroscience)
In The Psychology of Money, Morgan Housel reminds us that money decisions are rarely about spreadsheets, they’re about behaviour, emotions and stories we tell ourselves. Neuroscience agrees.
When finances feel vague or avoided, the brain interprets uncertainty as threat. The amygdala lights up. Cortisol rises. We either over-control or completely disengage.
Clarity, on the other hand, calms the nervous system.
Positive psychology shows that a sense of agency: the feeling that “I can influence my future”, is one of the strongest predictors of wellbeing. Money dates create exactly that. They transform finances from a source of shame into a source of self-trust.
You stop reacting. You start choosing.
Becoming Your Own Financial Adviser
(No suit, no shame, no spreadsheets from hell)
Here’s how to start.
STEP 1: Book the date (30 minutes, once a month)
This is non-negotiable. Book yourself for 30 minutes, once a month. Put it in your calendar like a meeting with someone important — because it is.
This is not a chore. It’s a thrilling pause. A moment devoted to your future self. Light a candle. Make tea. Close unnecessary tabs. Your nervous system needs to know this is safe, not stressful.
STEP 2: Create a simple spreadsheet (I know it’s effort, please don’t give up just yet!)
You can create one yourself, download a template, or ask ChatGPT to make one for you. Use Excel or Google Sheets — simple, flexible, and honest.
You only need a few tabs:
Monthly overview
Fixed expenses
Variable spending
Savings and investments
(Optionally) net worth, reviewed quarterly
This isn’t about perfection. It’s about visibility.
STEP 3: Download last month’s transactions
From your banking app, export the previous month’s transactions. No judgement. No commentary yet. Just data.
This step alone already reduces anxiety — the brain prefers known discomfort to imagined disaster.
STEP 4: Categorise gently (this is where the magic happens)
Group spending into broad categories, not microscopic detail:
Fixed expenses (rent, bills, subscriptions)
Variable spending (food, fun, transport, personal)
Savings and investments
Then pause. Look at the numbers with kindness. Curiously ask yourself the below questions:
What supported my energy and wellbeing?
What felt impulsive or emotional?
Where was money trying to meet a need — rest, comfort, connection?
Neuroscience tells us that self-criticism shuts down learning. Curiosity opens it. Treat this like a scientist, not a judge.
STEP 5: Adjust, don’t punish
Budgets aren’t moral contracts. They’re hypotheses. Adjust categories for the coming month:
Increase what worked
Soften what felt restrictive
Remove one unnecessary friction point
Then make one intentional decision:
Perhaps you can cancel one unused subscription
Increase savings by a small, realistic amount
Decide on one guilt-free pleasure
One decision is enough. Progress loves consistency, not heroics.
Why This Habit Changes Everything
Money dates work because they align with how the brain actually functions:
They reduce uncertainty
They increase agency
They turn avoidance into ritual
They shift focus from deprivation to values
You stop asking, “Where did my money go?” You start asking, “What kind of life am I building?”
And slowly, quietly, confidence grows. Not flashy confidence, the calm kind.
The kind that sleeps better.
The kind that doesn’t panic at numbers.
The kind that knows it can handle the future.
An Invitation
If you’re craving more peace, more clarity and a stronger relationship with yourself — start here.
Book the date.
Open the spreadsheet.
Lead yourself kindly.
Nothing beats financial peace.
