Compassionate inquiry: a gentle way to heal
Most of us carry stories we tell ourselves about who we are and why we act the way we do. But beneath those stories lie deeper truths, often hidden in the body, shaped by childhood experiences we’d rather forget. This is the space where Compassionate Inquiry, developed by Dr Gabor Maté, does its work.
Rather than asking: What’s wrong with you?, Maté’s method gently explores, What happened to you and how did you learn to survive it?
What Is Compassionate Inquiry?
Dr Maté is best known for his work on addiction, stress and trauma. His approach, Compassionate Inquiry, is based on the idea that many of our struggles, whether addiction, anxiety or relationship patterns, are not problems in themselves but adaptations. They are ways we learned to cope with pain when we were too young to do anything else.
In therapy, this means slowing down and paying attention not just to what someone says, but also to their tone of voice, their posture, even their breathing. The body often reveals what the conscious mind keeps hidden. As Maté puts it in The Myth of Normal (2022): The question is never: why the addiction, but why the pain.”
Why the Body Holds the Key
Neuroscience supports this. Research shows that trauma is stored not only as memory in the brain but also as sensation in the body. Psychiatrist Bessel van der Kolk famously wrote in The Body Keeps the Score that traumatic events leave their imprint in muscle tension, heart rate and automatic stress responses.
This is why someone might say, I’m fine, while their body is literally curled up in defence. Compassionate Inquiry helps bring those unconscious signals into awareness so they can finally be understood and integrated.
How It Compares to Other Therapies
Although unique, Maté’s approach overlaps with several other therapeutic models:
Somatic Experiencing (Peter Levine) - focuses on gently releasing trauma from the nervous system. Like Compassionate Inquiry, it works through body awareness, but it leans more on physical sensations than on dialogue.
Internal Family Systems (Richard Schwartz) - views us as made up of many parts, each with its own role. A perfectionist part, for example, may be protecting a more vulnerable part. Compassionate Inquiry shares the same spirit of curiosity but is less structured so it doesn’t map the parts, but it listens for the hidden needs behind protective behaviours.
Mindfulness-based therapies - encourage observing thoughts and feelings without judgment. Compassionate Inquiry builds on this but adds a strong relational element: the therapist’s compassion and presence become part of the healing.
Attachment-focused work - reminds us that safe relationships are key to recovery. Compassionate Inquiry echoes this: the therapist models the attunement that was often missing in childhood, showing the client what safe connection feels like.
Why Compassion Matters
Compassion isn’t just kindness, it’s a biological regulator. Studies in neuroscience show that compassion activates brain regions involved in calming fear and building empathy. Paul Gilbert, founder of Compassion-Focused Therapy, has shown that shame and self-criticism can melt when met with compassion.
For someone who has spent years protecting themselves with addiction, achievement or emotional distance, being met with compassion rather than judgment can feel revolutionary.
The Strengths and the Challenges
One of the biggest strengths of Compassionate Inquiry is its simplicity. It doesn’t rely on rigid techniques or step-by-step manuals. Instead, it relies on the therapist’s presence, curiosity and compassion. This makes it deeply human and adaptable.
The challenge? It’s still a relatively new method. Unlike CBT or EMDR, it doesn’t yet have large-scale clinical trials behind it. Early reports and training outcomes are promising, but more research will be needed to place it firmly in the evidence-based canon.
A Different Kind of Healing
At its heart, Compassionate Inquiry is about reconnection and helping people who have had to disconnect from their feelings, bodies or relationships in order to survive. As Maté writes: The essence of trauma is disconnection: from ourselves, from our bodies, from others. Healing is reconnection.
It’s not about tearing down our defences, but about meeting them with compassion and gently asking: What did you once protect me from? And what do I need now?
For many, this is the first step not only toward healing, but toward truly living.
